Living with mental health
As i sit here writing this post on living with mental health, I can’t help but think how far I’ve come from them oh so dark days. I sit here with a smile on my face, not because I’m “cured”, but because being able to share my story on mental health, in the hope that it will inspire and help others, fills me with so much warmth and joy.
These posts are going to be an all access look into my battles and demons, and how I manage them on a day to day basis. The first post I want to share with you is an introduction to it all. I will be posting more detailed posts over the course of these blogs.
Here is my story:-
I talk to you today, not as a preacher, doctor or lecturer but as a human being, a male human being, living with mental health problems. I say living with, because as of yet I have found no cure. Now I’m not saying there is no cure, but for me personally I’m learning how to deal with it and harness it in the right way, using my experiences to push me and hopefully inspire others, into a more positive and happy life. A life you can be grateful for, a life that is full of wonder and opportunities.
I decided to use my problems in a more positive way, and do things that made me happy. So in January 2019, I launched Kickstarterz Sports, with the aim of helping others, and helping to get families and young children active.
In the first few months of 2018, it became apparent there was some serious problems with my health. As it all came to a head and everything I had tried to brush under the carpet for years came crashing down right on top of me. For years I had tried to carry on like normal, putting what was happening to me as a physical illness rather than a mental one. I will delve more into this in my next instalments.
I confided in my boss of where i worked at the time, as it got to the point that it was affecting my day to day abilities to do my job. Missing days, going in late, feeling so low that i used to go and hide in the toilet, and google away my problems for hours. After an hour or so of conversation and lots of tears, he reassured me that it was my head talking and he was pretty sure i was dealing with a mental health problem and that i should go and see a doctor.
Doctors and Professionals
Reluctantly, as this scared the life out of me, I decided to book an appointment to see the doctor, which i can say I never went to. It wasn’t until my partner found me in a heap on the bed crying uncontrollably, I had hidden my problems from everyone up until this point. I confided in her, my rock, and completely broke down. We talked for hours about what I had been going through for the past 10 years, in those 10 years I had told no one on how I was feeling. Always the joker and life and soul of a party, funny how you can put a mask on to others and pretend everything is ok.
My partner made me another appointment at the doctors and came with me as I was petrified of going. I had convinced myself that they was going to find a physical illness and that I didn’t have long left to live. After speaking with the doctor, it was decided that I go and see a counsellor and talk about what I had been going through as well as start medication (sertraline).
After a few months of the counselling sessions, I began to take back a little control of my life and had a better understanding of what had been happening to me. I had struggled for roughly 10 years with my demons without even knowing I had a mental health illness, as I had always played it off as physical. Scary right?
My head was starting to become clearer, and allowed me to focus my attention on helping others, and also concentrate on what makes me happy. I decided to start my own business, Kickstarterz Sports, with the aim of getting children and families active through fun and engaging sports sessions. As well as helping others to Kickstart their life, reaching out to inspire people.
I want to thankyou for taking the time to read this introductory first blog. I will be posting more of my story in separate posts. These will include detailed descriptions of my life, leading up to the present day. How I’ve managed to deal with my illness, coping strategies and well everything in between including Anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. This will be an all access blog in the hope that it inspires people and to help change their mindset on mental health and maybe give them a better understanding of their own personal demons.
For now, take care, stay strong and know that when we work together we can achieve great things. Tomorrow I will begin the journey looking into my mental health problems.