Thoughts… What an emotional week this has been, I’m so happy that I have been able to share some of my deepest thoughts with you. It has sure brought up so many memories and also made me realise just how lucky I am.
If I was to rewind just 2 years ago, I would never of imagined that I would of achieved everything I have in such a short space of time.
Giving is happiness
Now I’m not talking about monetary achievement, I’m talking about happiness. As something I have realised that happiness in however you choose it.
For me, happiness is the power to help others whether that be physically, so my sport classes are helping children and their families stay active, to mentally, so by writing these posts I would like to think that I am helping others, so that in turn helps me and brings me happiness.
Money Isn’t happiness
You see when happiness is involved and I mean true happiness, there isn’t any time for procrastination, hate, jealousy and other negative thoughts. You can live, really live. I look at my family and I feel blessed, every day that i wake up is a blessing, because I get to help people for another day, thus helping myself by being happy.
I think sometimes what we need is a brief pause in our life were we can just stop and think about what would happiness look like for us.
So as you can see today’s post is about my thoughts, unfortunately my thoughts wasn’t as clear as they are now and here I will be writing about some of them.
The mind is powerful
When my mind was so full of negative things and worry there was very little space for anything else in there. The last 10 years have been so challenging for me both inward and outward. What I mean by that is, the thoughts and feelings I’ve had were so controlling and debilitating it was hard to function on the outside.
To put on a brave face and pretend everything is ok, is so tiring and draining.
Most nights I would look at my children sleeping at night and just cry, crying uncontrollably sometimes. I was crying because I was picturing the future, a future were I was going to get physically worse, finally succumbing to this dreadful disease, COPD, that I had convinced myself that I had.
I used to picture myself getting progressively worse and ending up in a wheelchair on oxygen, with my children seeing all this and having to deal with the after effects.
I am a massive over thinker and analyser, and this is good in some aspects but in my negative thoughts it’s quite scary. When I focus on something I fully focus on that subject.
I can quite clearly recall having thoughts in my car of doing certain things, it used to cross my mind of driving up to a hill and just carry on driving instead of turning for the corner. I used to think about pulling the handbrake up going down the motorway at 70 plus mph.
These thoughts were driven by the congestion and confusion in my mind of how I was seeing my future, a future of getting progressively worse. I love my family and I would never do anything to hurt them but from me to you now, I can tell you that when you’re having these thoughts you can’t see or think of anything else.
I used to think how can people commit suicide when they have children or loved ones, well after experiencing suicidal thoughts. For me personally, I can tell you that when the worry and negative thoughts are so strong in that moment you become blind and fully focused on them.
It’s all you can see, all you can think of. For me I couldn’t stand living this life, day in, day out of not being able to breathe properly, getting up in the morning and pretending everything was ok. I will talk more about the physical symptoms in a separate post.
Luckily I never went through with any of my thoughts them days and there was plenty more times different thoughts arose, maybe I will divulge into them in another post.
The driving force
Our thoughts are what drive us, whether they be positive or negative. If we just took 10 seconds to think of a positive thing in our life, we could change our whole life.
Thoughts become things and things have an impact on our lives, if we live in a positive state and just be grateful for what we have and who we are, we can change our thought process and live a happy life full of wonder and happiness.
So my thoughts had consumed everything in my mind, and I had convinced myself I had this physical illness, COPD. So I was planning a life of that and worrying what impact that would have on everyone around me and to myself.
Years and years I thought this, and I don’t know but it makes me wonder how many people have actually committed suicide by thinking they had a physical illness when in turn it was a mental illness giving them all the physical symptoms.
Maybe even being treated for a physical illness that never existed and never getting better as the true illness was in their mind. Now I’m not saying all physical illness is in the mind but I know from my own experience that it is possible to convince yourself so much that you have a physical illness you truly believe it.
Our brain is such a powerful machine that if we feed it negativity then that is what it will produce. This post today has been about our thought process and how it affects us, like previously stated I’m not a doctor or professor, just someone who has lived like this for years and can now see a different angle on it all.
I would love to know your thoughts and perhaps together we can share positive thoughts and change our mindset to a more happy place.
I ask of you, if you’re reading this and you have negative thoughts, talk to someone openly about what you are going through, there are so many people out there who want to help. You are not alone.
Go and see your doctor, it isn’t as scary as what you think, mention mental health, it would be better to get tested for all possibilities so that the mind can rest. Think positively, everyday, just take 10 minutes for yourself and power your mind with everything you are grateful for.
We all have something and once you start looking for positivity it’s surprising how much your life can change.
Check the Blog for more information on how I cope day to day.